Spa

Can you write an amusing story about going to a health Spa for rejuvenation that includes these lines? ?

1) Wheatgrass??? No I can’t say I’ve heard of it!
2) Oh my!! what do I do with that??
3) Yoga at 7 am?
4) Of course….I love broccoli sprouts!
5) I could KILL for a shot of expresso!
6) My mother always said…you have to suffer to be beautiful…she was right!

I stared out my window at my sterile surroundings as the limo pulled up to the entrance. This was where I’d be spending the next six weeks?! With what they charged they could have at least made it more attractive and not so institutional. Being picked up at the airport by a limo had given me hope of a nice relaxing stay in comfort. Now I was afraid of what lay ahead of me.

The chauffeur opened the door for me. As I slid out to stand looking up at the two story hospital white structure, my mother’s words came back to haunt me. MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID….YOU HAVE TO SUFFER TO BE BEAUTIFUL…..SHE WAS RIGHT! I had a feeling my suffering was about to start!!

I was shown to a small receiving room. A lady with her glasses perched on her nose and her graying hair twisted in a bun on the back of her head looked up at me from her desk. She motioned for me to have a seat. As I sat on the edge of my chair, she began speaking to me as if she were reading from a script.

“So?”, she began. “You have come to us to purge your body and soul of all it’s impurities? We will not have any caffeine or alcoholic beverages served here. You will only have water and juices to drink We serve only health foods.”

My mind was in a swirl. Already I COULD KILL FOR A SHOT OF EXPRESSO!

Miss Birdbeak (as I began to think of her) continued almost in a monotone as she handed me a sheet of paper. “This is a list of the foods we serve here. Wheatgrass is at the top of the list. We serve it baked in bread, crumbled and sprinkled on salads and in cereals.. Nearly everything you eat here will have it in it. You have heard of it, haven’t you?”

“WHEATGRASS???? NO, I CAN’T SAY I’VE HEARD OF IT!”, I responded as I scanned down the list. “OF COURSE I LOVE BROCCOLI SPROUTS!”

“I believe you’re thinking of brussel sprouts but we serve those too. Your diet here will be mostly vegetarian, she continued. “We do allow milk, a little butter, and eggs in a limited quanity. No red meats,” She handed me another sheet of paper. “This is our exercise program.”

I looked down at the paper. “YOGA AT 7 AM? Isn’t that a little early?,” I asked.

“Not at all,” she said peering at me over her glasses. “Breakfast is at 6 am..”

My mind began to think up escape routes. This was expecting too much of one who just wanted to get away from the hub-bub and stress of daily living for a little while to revitalize and lose a few pounds. This should be illegal!

I looked down at the bundle she was pushing toward me, “OH MY!! WHAT DO I DO WITH THAT??”, I asked in surprise.

“It’s your sleeping bag,” she explained. “All new clients sleep on bunk beds in the dorm for the first week.”

“Excuse me,” I interupted. “May I use your phone?”

“Of course,” she said pushing the phone across to me. “Did you forget something?”

“I certainly did,” I returned. ” I forgot to stay home!”

Inspector Gadget – 06 – Health Spa part 1